so she said

on blogging

2012-02-01T17:49:00.000-07:00

I'm a boring blogger, I realized. If I were someone else, would I read this blog? good question..

It's been hard to post things I really wanted to post in the past few months, cause I'm pretty sure none of it is anybody's business except mine, but I like to see what's going on with other people's lives, so maybe some people like to see what's up with me. The problem is, I don't mind sharing some of what's going on in my life with most people. But I do mind sharing most of what's going on my life with some people. Now you logicians and smartiepantses, figure that one out.

Anyways, I have eight drafted posts in the past two months. Eight.

The first sentence of the eight posts:
1/11/12: "I found a pair of twins!"
1/7/12: "It snowed and it's lovely."
1/7/12: "I've been a slacking blogger lately."
1/4/12: "The derek zoolander foundation for fat kids who are fat but not in a cute way like that fat kid on modern family."
12/30/11: "What a perfect week."
12/30/11: "2011 rocked."
12/29/11: "The other night on the phone, all his laughs were low."
12/14/11: "Listen without interrupting."

life is good

2012-01-23T22:25:00.000-07:00

"I'm listening to Mumford and Sons, and it's snowing! Life is good!"

--John. The self-appointed tour guide and avid skier on the shuttle with us Saturday morning

snow

2012-01-21T15:29:00.000-07:00

The snow today was powdery, soft, and thick. Totally new for me. I've been boarding on slush and ice for the past month.
I admit, I'm not very good. But the point, I decided, isn't being amazing from the very beginning. The point is trying, and having a good time. I ate it on a jump (nosedive), I fell once getting off the lift, I got stuck on an incline. But I also tried hard, carved up a couple good slopes, and had an awesome time. It was snowing pretty heavily and there was a decent amount of wind. We were all soaking wet and dripping.
I'm not taking credit though. I'll give it to Cam, who waited patiently as I caught up, helped me with my gloves and jacket, and encouraged me the whole time.

It was a great day. Some people down here in the valley are upset about the lack of snow. I'd love some snow too, and I totally understand. But to those who want the snow.... go find it. Sometimes it comes to you, and sometimes you've got to go to it. And it's worth it.

Spelunking

2012-01-17T17:48:00.000-07:00

peanut m&ms

headlamps

snow

rocks

and lots of mud

Five main components of yesterday's caving adventures.

The hike to the cave was intense. Lots of snow, and straight up the side of the mountain. No trail, just snow and rocks. It took about an hour (? give or take 30 minutes) to get to the entrance. Then we had to rappel one by one into the cave. The first part of the rap was tight, called the corkscrew. The second half of the rappel, you come through a hole in the ceiling of the cave and then it's just open until you hit the floor.

Here are some photos I snagged from one of the other girls in the group.

This is Alex standing in the doorway that goes down into the cave. The metal door closes and locks so you can only get it if you have permission, someone who has already been down, and the key. Cam was our guide this time. He was a good guide. I freaked out a little going down into the cave, but he helped me out, and I did it.

Rappelling down into the cave

After the initial drop into the cave, we took a rope down this steep, slick, clay part.

Yep. Good stuff.

Me in the crawl. A little intimidating to a claustrophobic like myself, but I did it! And I'd do it again. It wasn't bad at all. (perhaps forcing myself into the cave conquered that fear)

Alex ascending out of the cave.

Overall, it was an awesome experience. I was pretty anxious about going caving. I wanted to try it, but the idea of being in a cave had me a little on edge. I freaked out a little before the rappel, but I calmed down, and did it. The crawl was a little scary too, but I was surprised that I was really calm about it. I crawled through no problem, with a little coaching from Cort. It rocked. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Isn't it strange

2012-01-11T22:20:00.000-07:00

Isn't it strange how a song can take you back to a moment? To a particular year, maybe a month? A day? And you remember the colors, and you remember the feeling.

Some Boys, by Death Cab For Cutie, for example. It came up on iTunes, and I was snapped back in time. I'm wearing white linen pants and a light, flowered, gray cotton blouse. I'm hopping off my bike, I just got home from class, and putting it in the carriage house. I'm listening to this song in my ear phones, and thinking about summer, and my white linen pants.

Monday Morning, by Death Cab.. almost the same feeling, except slightly different. It's hotter. Hot. Too hot to ride my bike a mile at noon and still feel pretty. I'm sitting in a basement computer lab, doing a take home data analysis final. It's a Tuesday. I'm wearing that gray shirt again. I'm playing this song on Pandora and talking to a guy I had just recently become friends with. We studied all day, all evening, then he rode his bike with me all the way home just to make sure I made it safe.

Stay the Night, by James Blunt. I'm in California. I flew out two hours after my last final, summer term. It's humid and cool. It smells lovely. I slept in the softest, fluffiest bed of light blue and white. I fell asleep in the sand. I almost ran into a pod of dolphins. I drank a coconut frappuccino and walked around Laguna Beach with Amber.

I wonder what song will take me back to right now? And what will I remember?

January 9

2012-01-09T21:14:00.000-07:00

Christmas Break rocked.

2012-01-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

new year

new brother

Poinsettia Bowl

Good food in the box

Awesome view

Knott's Berry Farm

Yep. He's that good.

Our bell pepper was pregnant

Alex is pro at parking, too.

My orange man

Remnants of the best dinner. Tomato, mozzarella,
basil, and balsamic vinegar on french bread.

happy

2011-12-30T18:13:00.000-07:00

I'm happy knowing that you are mine the grass is greener on the other siiide the more I think the more I wish that we could lay here for hours and justa.. reminisce.

December in Southern California

2011-12-13T13:07:00.000-07:00

Dear whoever is reading this,

The forecast for my week in Oceanside predicts highs of 63, 62 ish, and lows of 38, 39.

Unfortunately.. I have not yet perfected the forecast-to-clothing converter that I'm working on. Help?
What do I wear down there during December?

Asparagus makes me smile.

2011-12-12T13:09:00.000-07:00

"In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. It's the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind."

--Jodi Picoult

p.s. thanks for dinner.

Finals.. birthday.. December

2011-12-07T18:22:00.001-07:00

Finals lately.
One presentation, three finals, and two papers to go.

And after that? I'm headed out of this freezing weather. Oceanside here I come.

I am very very happy.

I turned nineteen last Saturday. I took the LSAT, then relaxed for a while.

That evening was wonderful. A dinner for two, surprise carolers who started singing "happy birthday" as soon as we opened the door and just happened to be all of our closest friends, then seeing the lights up at temple square.

It was one of the best birthdays I have ever had.

and I'll say it again....

I am very very happy.

I am so lucky

2011-12-02T18:27:00.000-07:00

Seriously.
I have the best family. I used to be a little jealous when I'd watch movies like Remember the Titans of the brotherhood that guys seem to have. Then one day it hit me-- I've got a sisterhood. Which is just as awesome.

My sisters, mom, aunts, sister-in-law, and cousins. They're the best. If I have anything going on in my life-- good or bad, be it a new boyfriend, a breakup, a huge test, a new job, a bad day, a good day.. anything at all-- they're there, cheering me on, encouraging me, loving me, supporting me.

I am so blessed.

Thankful #10

2011-11-24T10:33:00.001-07:00

Oh there is so much to be thankful for.

I'm thankful for the Lord, for the gospel, the truth that I know that guides my life.

I'm thankful for my wonderful family. My parents, my brothers and sisters (in laws too), my nieces and nephews, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles and cousins.

I'm thankful for Cam. He makes me laugh every day. He is sweet and funny and strong and smart and loving and super good looking ;) He rubs my feet after long exhausting days, he wraps me up in a warm blanket and doesn't mind when I fall asleep on his shoulder when we're watching a movie. He is so patient and forgiving when I make lame mistakes. He encourages me in everything that I do and inspires me to be a better person. He taught me to eat spicy food and opened the whole new world of Thai to me. He is a family man through and through and I love that. Yup, definitely thankful for this guy.

I'm thankful for all of my awesome friends. I seriously have the greatest friends. I'm especially grateful for my two best girlfriends. Rachel and Jenny. Jenny is my sunshine. She is always there with a smile and a hug, always makes me feel appreciated and loved. She gives the best advice and always has a shoulder to cry on when I'm having a hard time. She is gorgeous, funny, and smart. She taught me how to double dutch. Aaaaaaaaaand she is engaged to a great man, Nathaniel, who just came into the picture a few months ago and instantly became best friends with everyone. We all love him a lot. Good choice Jenny :)

I'm thankful for yoga and life learning and Francine.

I'm thankful for school and the mind I've been blessed with.

I'm thankful for my body. It's healthy and strong and beautiful and I appreciate it a lot.

I'm thankful for rock climbing :)

I'm thankful for this wonderful life, all of its challenges, blessings, all of the ups and downs.

Thankful #9

2011-11-19T14:16:00.000-07:00

yoga

Thankful #8

2011-11-17T15:17:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful for my sister Amber, and gems like this:

We have a very similar sense of humor. She probably thinks I'm funnier than anyone else does. Amber tends to catch the slightly off-beat things I say under my breath that I think are funny but am always slightly hesitant to say for others to hear. Then she laughs, and when Amber laughs, I catch it and can't stop. We sit there laughing (completely silently, I might add-- it's the Sorensen laugh) way longer than is probably socially acceptable in most situations.
I love those moments.
Those moments when I feel like my face is going to split in half and my abs kill because I'm laughing so hard, and I look over, and she's doing the same thing.

It's awesome.

Thankful #7

2011-11-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

Today I'm thankful for second chances. For forgiveness. For the chance I had today to take a break and come back to a situation ready to make it better.

I'm thankful for communication that makes all of that possible :)

Thankful #6

2011-11-10T17:26:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful for Rachel :)
First off, she's just an amazing girl. Second, she's one of those friends where it doesn't matter how long it's been since you've seen each other, or how long it's been since you've talked-- the friendship doesn't fade. I'm so lucky to have Rach. She's seen me through multiple boyfriends and breakups, been the second closet available when I don't feel like I have anything cute to wear, been the best shopping buddy, and is always there when I just need to talk or relax.
I got a surprise visit from her today (she lives in Boston), and it pretty much made my week.
Love you Rach!

Thankful #5

2011-11-09T21:15:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful for cathartic music.
Or music at all really, but specifically cathartic music today (is that the right word?)

It's 9 pm. I've been at school since 8 am. 8: Class, 9: class, 10: homework, working on my research article 12: violating a social norm and writing a paper, 1: more homework, 2: class, 3: class, 4: studying, homework, 5:30 a test, and now more homework.

I'm not complaining. I don't actually mind long days on campus-- I feel productive. Definitely more productive than when I go home at noon and waste two hours doing nothing until I actually force myself to get to homework.
But, there is a little stress in having a test today, a paper due tomorrow, and having eaten all the snacks I brought already.

So I'm grateful for music-- music that can sympathize with my stress, soak it up, and carry it away when the song ends.

The best on today's playlist is "Room at the End of the World" — Matt Nathanson

Thankful #4

2011-11-08T16:28:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful for the temple! That I get to take a little time every week away from the world to just be peaceful and meditate. It's wonderful.

Dearest Bachelor's Diploma

2011-11-07T17:28:00.000-07:00

Dearest Bachelor's Diploma,
I submitted my application for graduation!
Looks like I'll be seeing you in just a little over five months.
I can't wait for you to meet Diploma #1. You guys are going to make one good looking pair on my shelf, as well as a great team to kick off the quest for #3. Who knows, maybe after the Juris Doctorate we'll go searching for a PhD?
Sky's the limit. Can't wait to start working with you.

Love,
Shannon

Thankful #3

2011-11-05T11:54:00.000-06:00

I'm thankful for Ben and all of the LSAT prep books he gave me. Seriously, he gave me all of the books he used to prepare for the LSAT. They've helped me a lot, and are continuing to help me. I use them every single day.

In other news, less than a month until I actually take the LSAT. Crazy!!

Thankful #2

2011-11-03T11:52:00.000-06:00

Today I'm grateful for my heater.

When I'm at home in my room in the winter, probably 80% of the time I have my little space heater right next to me. It's lovely.

Happy November

2011-11-01T14:13:00.000-06:00

Today I am grateful for all of the things my mother stocks up on to keep us healthy.
I'm battling a nasty cold right now. No fun.

I'm currently all pumped full of vitamin C and goldenseal. I have some essential oil called "breathe" under my nose and some other essential oil called "on guard" on the soles of my feet. I'm drinking Echinacea tea. I'm going to kick this cold in the face.

heart vs mind

2011-10-30T18:42:00.000-06:00

Wisdom from Nietzsche: "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."

the man

2011-10-23T14:28:00.001-06:00

October

2011-10-20T18:12:00.000-06:00

October so far has consisted of:

conference at grandma and grandpa burrito's house (I love them).
homemade spaghetti sauce
haunted village
ice skating
murder mystery dinner party
new iphone
and lots of free time spent here. yeyeah. That's right. It's glorious.

And I'm turning into a little bit of a foodie. So far this month, potato soup, chocolate cupcakes for Steve's birthday, spaghetti sauce, crepes, and just a whole lot of sautéed vegetables. I think the cooking kick was inspired by all of our friends taking turns having everyone over for Sunday dinner. Alex and Caitlin hosted at Caitlin's house twice and Jenny and Nathaniel had us over for chicken alfredo a couple weeks ago. Every time it is wonderful. Good food, great company. It's our turn soon... I'm thinking some sort of creamy pumpkin soup, roasted potatoes, and rolls. However, that could all go out the window if I can find a good recipe for massaman curry.

I'm a little bit addicted to Thai food. I can't seem to get enough. The funny thing is, the Thai like their food spicy-- and I never have. My spice tolerance is 0. Until lately. I haven't quite reached the level of loving the spice, perhaps not even liking it.. But I have reached the point of eating the food because it is delicious despite the spice. Cam says I'm "so hardcore."

It's funny to look back over the past year and see how much I've changed. I'm still the same person, but a lot has changed as well. Rock climbing.. Thai food.. Spice. Who'd have guessed?

I love it.

"There comes a point

2011-10-18T08:26:00.000-06:00

when you just love someone. Not because they're good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them.

It doesn't mean you'll be together forever.

It doesn't mean you won't hurt each other.

It just means you love them.

Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, sometimes in spite of it."

--L. Hamilton

Tuesday morning

2011-10-11T08:30:00.001-06:00

It's gray outside my window, my favorite weather.

There are blisters and callouses on my fingers, the way I like it. Not because I particularly enjoy the blisters.. the callouses are kind of useful, despite being totally gross, but because of how I got them.

Yesterday, I woke up and went to school, came home and went climbing, went back to school, went to work, then went swimming in a heated pool. Lovely.

I love God

2011-10-05T12:34:00.002-06:00

wisdom reposted from the Empress

Everybody

2011-10-03T22:14:00.001-06:00

Happy is the heart that still feels pain

Darkness drains and light will come again

Swing open up your chest and let it in

Just let the love, love, love begin

:)

I love Ingrid Michaelson's positive vibe. I like the hope and the happy playfulness.

sunday

2011-09-27T01:39:00.000-06:00

yesterday, one of my best friends, jenny, had a big group of our friends over for dinner.
it was a great evening. amazing food, wonderful company, lots of laughing and teasing.... the perfect combination.
i really love my friends. i'm so happy with my life right now. and that's the only way to live life, right? happy.

anyways, here is what jenny had to say about it: check out her post

i love to read her writing-- the emotion, the details.. make you feel like you were there (which i was, so maybe it doesn't count for me to say that. darn)

love you jenny girl

2011-09-18T23:44:00.000-06:00

"We don't always have a choice how we get to know one another. Sometimes, people fall into our lives cleanly-- as if out of the sky, or as if there were a direct flight from Heaven to Earth-- the same sudden way we lose people, who once seemed they would always be part of our lives."

--John Irving

i missed you

2011-09-15T13:29:00.000-06:00

loving this song right now. and the music video. upbeat music for fall is what i needed.

CA text style

2011-09-14T18:27:00.000-06:00

"hmmmm emergency exit seat = leg room!"

"oh my goodness the view from the beach of all the houses on the cliffs is gorgeous. I'm a pro at paddle boarding by the way. I got out past the buoy and went all the way down the beach."

"who'd have known by lilly allen."

"i slept so well. the bed is super comfortable. we slept with the doors wide open so the cool fresh air was coming in all night. and i slept in til 9:30 and i don't regret a thing."

"then mom passed out?"

"so I like the weather here. i think i want to live on the beach. i'd also like to live in the mountains. and in the city. but it is gorgeous here."

"laugh all you want. i was born in california. there is something about it that feels like home."

"and then in what could possibly be one of the most startling moments of my life.... i saw a fin"

"i was 20 feet away from a bunch of dolphins!"

"have i been to the galaxy?"

CA instagram style

2011-09-14T18:03:00.001-06:00

2011-08-26T09:48:00.000-06:00

"I've come to believe in something I call 'The Physics of the Quest.' A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this: if you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you."
-Eat Pray Love

extreme climbing

the summer in black and white

2011-08-22T09:45:00.000-06:00

good cook

in line for harry potter 7.2

my dad is so rad

the river i crossed on the way home from school

when sean and cam fight over dessert

why i love liz gilbert

2011-08-04T02:16:00.000-06:00

i took a nice dose of eat pray love medicine today:

on love:
"A true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life."

"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something."

on self:
there is a point in the book where she finds herself saying to herself: "I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There's nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me."
We-- well, I cannot depend on someone else to be that for me. I need to be that for myself.

on happiness:
"You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind."

"I'm choosing happiness over suffering, I know I am. I'm making space for the unknown future to fill up my life with yet-to-come surprises."

Beauty-Full Tuesday

2011-08-03T12:15:00.000-06:00

Cardigan Empire does a spot on women every week. The point of beauty-full Tuesdays is to show us the beauty in everyday women. She posts stories from women who have had struggles with their body image (but really, who hasn't?), how they overcame those struggles, and the peace and the happiness that they have now.

click here to see Beauty-Full Tuesdays on Cardigan Empire

july

2011-07-28T16:37:00.000-06:00

let's take a break from the body image project to catch up on life:

i love it. i like summer. i like climbing. i am in the right major. i love sociology. i am so so happy.

here's a quote candy that i stumbled upon the other day that made me smile:

"any experience in love is a good one. it doesn't matter if it works out, or if you were 12 or 18 or 30 or 60, what matters is that it happened. each time you experience something like it, even if it isn't love, but just dating-- it is the experience that will help you for the time you truly do fall in love. if you spend your high school days randomly dating guys, more power to you, when the guy you love comes along and you want him-- you'll know how to get his attention and how to fall in love safely. it sucks falling in love with someone and not knowing what to do about it. and even if you fall in love like i have and are hurt afterwards, just remember the good parts." --Mr. Fox

i just like that it applies to me, to everybody really. love isn't something to be afraid of, it's just life. it's just how the river runs.

also, shoutout to my beautiful friend jenny jones! i love you!

seventeen body peace treaty

2011-07-26T08:32:00.000-06:00

go here to add your signature to the pledge!

remember that the sun will still rise tomorrow even if I had one too many slices of pizza or an extra scoop of ice cream tonight
never blame my body for the bad day I'm having
stop joining in when my friends compare and trash their own bodies
never allow a dirty look from someone else to influence how I feel about my appearance
quit judging a person solely by how his or her body looks-- even if it seems harmless-- because I'd never want anyone to do that to me
notice all the amazing things my body is doing for me every moment I walk, talk, think, breathe...
quiet that negative little voice in my head when it starts to say mean things about my body that I'd never tolerate anyone else saying about me
remind myself that what you see isn't always what you get on TV and in ads
remember that even the girl who I'd swap bodies with in a minute has flaws
respect my body by feeding it well, working up a sweat when it needs it, and knowing when to give it a break
realize that the mirror can reflect only what's on the surface of me, not who I am inside
know that I'm already beautiful just the way I am
Not let my size define me
Surround myself with positive people
Remember that sometimes I will have down moments
Accept that beauty isn't just about my looks

fed up with food

2011-07-21T06:00:00.019-06:00

I think every college should have a group like this:

fed up with food

This is a group on BYU campus that provides support for those suffering from eating problems.
It's loosely based off of the Twelve Step Program. I have a friend who is serving a service mission for the church, helping to teach the Twelve Step Program. I went to one of the meetings with her, and it was amazing how applicable the steps are to any situation in life, not just addictions.

Here are the steps:
1. Admit powerlessness over the effect of the eating problem
2. Come to believe that a higher power can help them
3. Decide to turn their will over to the care of God
4. Make a moral inventory
5. Admit to God, themselves, and another person their weakness
6. Become ready to have God help them overcome these weaknesses
7. Ask God for help
8. Become willing to make amends with those who may have been harmed
9. Make direct amends to such people
10. Continue to take a personal inventory
11. Seek through prayer and meditation to improve contact with God and allow him to help
12. Share what has been learned with others.

I challenge any girls who are struggling with an eating problem to seek out help! If you are at BYU, try fed up with food. If you're somewhere else, ask someone in your church or college counseling center to direct you to a group like this.

Mormon Women Project

2011-07-20T10:54:00.000-06:00

reblogged from Nienie

Women everywhere struggle with eating disorders ranging from poor self-esteem to extreme starvation and/or bingeing. The fact that there is a stigma that accompanies these issues makes it hard for these women to find help or even feel comfortable telling their husbands and family about their struggles. That makes it all the more difficult, since talking about it not only makes it easier for the person struggling, but helps others by letting them know they are not alone.

I know there are a lot of LDS girls that read this blog, but either way-- LDS or not, eating disorder or no, this website is a great source of body-image strength. Check it out here!

5 things to do this weekend

2011-07-14T11:41:00.001-06:00

summer time is the perfect time to love our bodies for what they allow us to do. Love your body back by giving it the exercise it needs. I've never been big on running, but here are 5 easy summer exercise ideas that combine exercise and fun :)

1. go for a hike

2. go swimming

3. take a walk in the lovely weather (best done in the evening when it's not deathly hot out)

4. play frisbee or catch in the park

5. GO ROCK CLIMBING! (my personal favorite... obviously)

here is cam on the second pitch of the grotto on tuesday morning:

10 ways to love your body

2011-07-11T13:45:00.000-06:00

I found this list of 20 ways to love your body through operationbeautiful.com I appreciate the focus on loving your body for what it does not what it looks like. I picked my favorite ten. I'm going to go do #8 right now. To check out the full list, go here

Become aware of what your body can do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an ornament.
Don’t let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.
Wear comfortable clothes that you like, that express your personal style, and that feel good to your body.
Be your body’s friend and supporter, not its enemy.
Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don’t exercise to lose weight or to fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you feel good. Exercise for the Three F’s: Fun, Fitness, and Friendship.
Think back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body. Tell yourself you can feel like that again, even in this body at this age.
Keep a list of 10 positive things about yourself–without mentioning your appearance. Add to it!
Put a sign on each of your mirrors saying, “I’m beautiful inside and out.”
Choose to find the beauty in the world and in yourself.
Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.

project

2011-07-11T11:09:00.000-06:00

Right now I'm in a sociology of gender class. one thing we're studying is the media's influence on individuals, how it socializes us. To combat the negative influences of the media, especially on young women, I've decided as my service project for that class to use my blog to post about positive-body image.

I think a key part of positive body image is having a healthy perspective. This means accepting our bodies for how they are, and also making conscious effort to take care of them-- keep them healthy, functional, clean. I think if we are able to find a way to keep ourselves healthy and active, we will be able to appreciate what our body can do, appreciate its health, and in that, love our bodies.

So my challenge is to try and help the girls (and guys) that read this have a healthy body image through being motivated to get healthy, stay healthy, and love your body for that health.

om

2011-06-29T11:48:00.001-06:00

lots of homework so far this week. lots of reading and lots of writing. the neighborhood is gearing up for the fourth of july weekend. i'm trying to finish all the homework before the weekend so i can party obligation-free.

i'm going to try to get to yoga sometime this week.
i've been neglecting it and just going rock climbing instead. but this week i need to focus, to be able to clear my head and leave all the stress on the mat, so i can walk away level headed, ready to get done what i need to get done. and the weekend will be wonderful if i can finish everything before then :)

2011-06-28T16:37:00.000-06:00

rachel, one of my best friends in the world, just stopped by to say goodbye.
she's leaving tomorrow, moving to new jersey to dance with a new partner, one of the best dancers in the country. i am so excited for her, so proud of her. of course, at the same time, i'm going to miss her a lot. we hugged and we both cried, and swore we'd be each others bridesmaids when that time comes.

it's funny how time just goes by. we talked about how we couldn't believe it'd been so long since we became friends, how much we've seen each other through, and we both never really wrapped our minds around the goodbye.

but we'll see each other again, because that's how life goes.

good luck in new jersey rach! i love you.

goal:

2011-06-26T11:40:00.001-06:00

(this girl teaches a great primary series class. check it out at 3b)

spring

2011-06-23T12:14:00.000-06:00

spring is over now, happy summer. spring brought a lot of good to my life.

i love life right now. i love that living is packed and crammed into every last second of the day. there are things i have let go of, things i have just taken the jump off and trusted i would catch myself at the bottom.

and catch myself i did.

life is full right now. i finished my 8 credit spring semester and now i'm taking 8 again for summer. i'm teaching in church. i'm dating a lot. i'm working. i'm climbing every chance i can. i have a great new bunch of friends (they got me hooked on climbing). they've completely thrown off my sleep patterns, but that's okay. i love it. to name a few: alex, jenny, steve, sean, cameron. i don't think any of them read this, but just if you were wondering.

i think i've been hesitant to post about what's going on in my life because i just don't feel like its much of anybody's business. of course i don't mind sharing experiences and i know that there are a lot of missionary girls that read this blog, it's just that i know there is a different audience that reads this too and there are certain things that i would rather they not blow out of proportion.

that being said, life is really really good right now. i am, as i said before, living. life is packed. and it's wonderful. i'm learning so much about myself, really taking advantage of this young single time to figure out who i am and what i want. and that sounds cliché but it's true-- i love that i can just be me right now. unattached, free.

now if you'll excuse me, i've got a paper on contemporary sociological theory to finish, then i'm going to drive my sister to work, then i'm going to swim, then i'm going to climb, and then i'm going to alex's birthday dinner.

happy living everyone.
peace, namaste, climb on.

2011-06-21T07:41:00.002-06:00

"it may be unfair, but what happens in a few days, sometimes even a single day, can change the course of a whole lifetime..."
--khaled hosseini (the kite runner)

take every chance you dare

2011-06-17T13:56:00.001-06:00

recently i asked him if i took off and went to law school, and couldn't make it back to see him hop off that plane, he would come find me.

he had promised hypothetically once that he would if that were the situation.

but i asked him for real if he would-- if he wouldn't wait for me to come back for christmas, but if he would come to me.

papertissue

and he said of course.

he said he would come right away.

he said it doesn't matter where i am or what i'm doing, he will come and find me, he will come to where i am. and he said "i can't wait for that moment when i see you again and i run to you and you run and we meet and you won't ever have to let go again."

and then he told me to listen to this song: when you come back down by nickel creek

you gotta leave me now

you gotta go along

you gotta chase a dream

one that's all your own

before it slips away

when you're flying high

take my heart along

i'll be the harmony

to every lonely song

that you'll learn to play

when you're soaring through the air

i'll be your solid ground

take every chance you dare

i'll still be there

when you come back down

2011-06-14T10:26:00.001-06:00

"My life now, my whole life, regardless of all that may happen to me, every minute of it, is not only not meaningless, as it was before, but has the unquestionable meaning of the good which it is in my power to put into it!"

--Leo Tolstoy

i love this scene at the end of Anna Karenina, when Levin realizes what life is all about. he realizes there will always be problems, he will always have shortcomings, other people will always have shortcomings. but the significant part is that he realizes that life is good because we have the power to make it good, to be the goodness in life.

so make today good!

2011-06-07T00:02:00.002-06:00

night climbing is also really great.

what did you do this weekend?

2011-06-05T16:50:00.004-06:00

(i snagged these pictures from cameron-- he's the crazy great climber in photo #2)

vegetarian

2011-06-02T14:30:00.001-06:00

i hear this way too often:
"you're a vegetarian??! what do you eat?!"
and i think "um. everything you eat. minus the meat..." but for some reason that can be a really difficult concept for some of my omnivorous friends.

or sometimes people say to me "your family eats really healthily, huh?" and i say "yeah." and then they ask what we eat, and i say "rice, vegetables, pasta, salad." and they look confused for some reason or they shake their head like i just said "oh, you know, water and celery."

so i took some pictures over the past few months (whenever i remembered) of my meals, so you can have some idea.

lunch: tomato, pickle, and lettuce on wheat bread
& lemonade, just for kicks

lunch: brown rice with cabbage and peas

dinner: spaghetti with green beans and garlic bread

dinner: white rice with broccoli, cabbage, and zucchini stir fry
and mandarin oranges and pineapple

dinner: quinoa with cauliflower stir fry

2011-05-27T14:16:00.002-06:00

and i'm sorry if i haven't written to you in a while.
it's just that life got in the way of living.
it's just that my fingers were stuck together.
it's just that all the paper in the world caught fire.

you'll forgive me if i haven't written in a while.
it's just that all the envelopes made love to dragonflies and now, we cannot bring them down.
it' just that time stopped ticking.
it's just that all the ink ran clear.

my apologies if i haven't written in a while.
it's just that words ran out of letters (these are the last in the bag).
it's just that the language isn't perfect.
it's just, me.

-- i wrote this for you

twilight concert series

2011-05-26T19:39:00.000-06:00

super excited for the twilight concert series this summer.
hopefully i can make it to these three....

july 21-- decemberists
july 28-- edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros
august 11-- bright eyes

dreams and plans

2011-05-25T21:23:00.004-06:00

this one is for you darling,

hey.
i'm daydreaming today, of course, of you. i love today. i love the sunshine. i love the dream i had last night.
and most of all i love you.
i love you most.

i'm excited for the end of next year. or maybe the beginning of the year after that. sometime not terribly far off.
we're going to live in one of these two cities:

(new york)

(boston)

and sleep in a white bed like this:

or this

i know it's ruffly. that's why i love it. i know that's not super manly. really i'll take anything as long as it's your head on the other pillow.

we'll drink out of those white mugs that i got for us at ikea the other day

and well, we'll be together. that's the only thing i really want. everything else we can work around.
oh darling this is worth waiting for.

2011-05-22T17:54:00.002-06:00

"everyone edits themselves here, and it makes me wonder whether you're ever actually connected to real people, or just the people they all wish they were." --i wrote this for you

this is how i feel

2011-05-17T21:29:00.000-06:00

1. i have always loved this song, and this animation goes perfectly with it. the way he almost sees her, almost holds her, the way his imagination makes her almost really there. almost.

2. "you can't just plan a moment when things get back on track, just as you can't plan the moment you lose your way in the first place." --sarah dessen (someone like you)

i am glad things got back on track. i didn't plan it, i had no idea how to make it happen, it just did. and i am so glad.

i l o v e t h i s

2011-05-15T21:39:00.000-06:00

i love the song. i love the video. i love his voice.

the ball

2011-05-14T09:21:00.004-06:00

thank you jae!

g a p

2011-05-11T19:14:00.000-06:00

what happens when a certain somebody works at gap?

& happens to dress like he could be a model?

you start wearing better clothes.

and shopping at gap.

who me?

ha.

2011-05-10T08:20:00.002-06:00

i'm a little bit obsessed with this handwriting. i can't remember where i snagged this photo from, but it's been sitting on my desktop for a few weeks.

i would like for my handwriting to look like that.

mother's day

2011-05-08T18:12:00.000-06:00

i have the best mom. i love her. i could go on for a while, but right now it will suffice me to say that i think my mother is wonderful. she has good advice. she listens. she teaches us to have healthy lifestyles-- physically, emotionally, spiritually.

today i asked her: "why is life so confusing?"
and she said: "i don't know."

she is a wise woman.

i think i've found it

2011-05-06T19:26:00.001-06:00

so what happens next? i wondered.
so what happens next? i wonder now.
i remember what i wrote at high school graduation:

there is a sense of urgency in my fingers, in my feet. energy. i need to be going, i need to be doing. becoming. breathing. living. running. onward. but where is onward? and what do i do now?

i started college and got caught up in the rush of class and homework. that feeling was gone for a while. but now it's crept back up, as it does from time to time, and i wonder again: what happens now? i feel like there's something great ahead of me. something big. something maybe not of colossal proportions, but something significant. it's the thing that matches that feeling of energy and of urgency. it's the "onward."

this book is one i read frequently: oh, the places you'll go by dr. seuss
he mentions the waiting place:
for people just waiting. waiting for a train to go, or a bus to come, or a plane to go, or the mail to come, or the rain to go, or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow, or waiting around for a yes or no, or waiting for their hair to grow. everyone is just waiting.
NO! that's not for you! somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying. you'll find the bright places where boom bands are playing.

i don't belong in the waiting place. that's not for me. there is something great ahead of me. and i'll be praying like crazy, and weighing options like crazy. then i'll hold tight to faith and jump.

you'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
you'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go
so be sure when you step,
step with care and great tact.
and remember that life's a great balancing act.
just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
and never mix up your right foot with your left.
and will you succeed?
yes! you will indeed! 98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.
KID YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
so, be your name buxbaum or bixby or bray
or mordecai ali van allen o'shea,
you're off to great places!
today is your day!
your mountain is waiting.
so, get on your way!

i think i'm going to join the peace corps.

2011-05-02T23:31:00.001-06:00

give my regards to soul and romance

they always did the best they could

and so long to devotion

you taught me everything i know

wave goodbye, wish me well

you've gotta let me go

(arrow&arrow)

will your system be all right,
when you dream of home tonight?
there is no message we're receiving
let me know is your heart still beating?

may

2011-05-01T11:25:00.000-06:00

happy may day darlings

maybe it will be warm now?

i like to celebrate may day by listening to a certain song. "mayday" by dear delaware. (my apologies to all those who don't care to hear how great my love is--you can stop reading here, and have a lovely day)

it has nothing to do with may first, but it does have a lot to do with me. he started writing it a little over two years ago. the first time i heard it was february 28th 2009 (i can only remember that date because i was reading over old blog posts, and i mentioned it). we were playing guitar on my front porch-- the kids were going to bed inside and we were too noisy. it wasn't very cold for february. he didn't play the whole thing, though. all he had was a chorus. and i loved it so much, it was stuck in my head for months, and i always asked if he had written more on it, and he always said no.
then summer rolled around again, like it does every year, and the song was done. i loved it. i still love it.

i didn't realize for a while-- maybe a year later?-- what the song was about. it just sounded like an upbeat not-too-obvious love song. he was dating somebody else the first time i heard it, so that was a little misleading. now, going back and listening to that song with the context in mind, it makes even more sense.

(p.s. a few months ago i was speaking french and it clicked: "m'aidez" pronounced "mayday" means "help me" in french.)

so those are my thoughts on mayday.

as for may day, hello, welcome back. i'm excited to see what you have for me this year.

anti-joke chicken

2011-04-29T13:48:00.000-06:00

my cousin linked to this, and at first i thought they were really really lame. then some of them were funny. oops.

spring

2011-04-26T17:39:00.000-06:00

this mumford & sons line has been stuck in my head for a few weeks

"and if your strife strikes at your sleep
remember spring swaps snow for leaves
you'll be happy and wholesome again
when the city clears and sun ascends."

that sounds like summer to me. when lots of the students go home, the mountains are green, and the valley is warm again. lots of the students are gone now, finals are over. spring semester started today (tomorrow for me, I don't have classes on tuesdays!). now i'll just be patient for it to get warm. there were snowflakes flying outside my window this morning. but that's no problem, i'm patient. summer will come eventually, it always does. and anyone who is surprised does not understand utah springs.

2011-04-24T18:42:00.001-06:00

sometimes life gets you down.
and sometimes it is entirely, one hundred percent your fault.

it's times like these i just wish i had a shoulder to cry on. one that doesn't care what you did or what you said or what went wrong. one that's just there, that helps you feel better, one that loves you unconditionally.

i have exactly two of those, no more, no less. and they are a matched set on the same boy in the same country ten thousand miles away.

so i guess sometimes you just bite your lip and carry on. and you just deal with it.

one year

2011-04-19T20:11:00.000-06:00

p.s. exactly ONE YEAR from today I will be graduating from college! I almost can't believe it.

finals

2011-04-19T18:01:00.000-06:00

this has been my mindset all semester:
i need a 3.88 this semester. i need a 3.88 that's all i need. please, please, let me get a 3.88. full tuition fall and winter. 3.88. study study study i need that full tuition.

then this morning i got an e-mail. oh, guess what?
full tuition.

and, i haven't even taken all of my finals yet. i'm a little confused, but definitely not complaining!

100% on book of mormon
96% on music
okay score on racial & minority group relations

tomorrow: classical sociological theory
thursday: physical science. (boo.)

six

2011-04-13T21:20:00.000-06:00

sixsixsixsixsixsix

yep.

i got a letter this morning, from myself, written seven months ago.

we're still in love, more than ever, and officially in less than two years, this knot will be tied. i was thinking april or march, he was thinking, "two years is long enough." he doesn't want to waste any time. i like the way he works :)

2011-04-11T21:37:00.002-06:00

caitlyn

if you had three wishes
tell me what they'd be
a fancy car, a new guitar
or that money grows on trees

if i had three wishes
i tell you what they'd be
if i had three wishes
you would be all three

you know how the rules go
you can't wish for world peace
or wish for love from anyone
and we're letting old friends be

you can't wish for more wishes
but that don't bother me
cause if i had three wishes
you would be all three.

--dave thomas junior

what i'm working on

2011-04-07T18:13:00.004-06:00

parsva bakasana
brings balance and strength to the belly, spine, arms, and wrists. (modified)

rough patch

2011-04-01T20:00:00.002-06:00

today i hit a bump in the road. just little things that shouldn't be a huge deal, things that aren't going to make any difference in the long run-- not being able to register for classes, not being able to find a parking space.
and for some reason those little things just made me lose it.

two years ago when my iPhone got stolen, and i was really upset, he wrote me a song. it's funny, listening to it now, and his steady voice sing "i'm sorry for the world and the way it turns," and "don't cry. everything will be all right. everything will be all right in time," i know it will. he can't hold me and i can't cry on his shoulder, he can't kiss it better, but i can listen to his voice, singing to me, reassuring me.

despite today's hitches, i am the luckiest girl in the world.

mom

2011-03-31T15:04:00.001-06:00

happy birthday to my wonderful mother

my mom is the best. she really is. she's smart, beautiful, organized, athletic, healthy, spiritual, loving.
she has had eight children (of which I am the second). she devotes so much time to raising us well. she is level headed and has a good outlook on life. she's always setting goals and accomplishing them. she is the best example of a healthy lifestyle.

but most importantly, my mom is one of my best friends. she listens when i'm excited about something, she gets excited with me and helps when i start to compile and plan ideas for my wedding, she gives good advice, she listens and understands when i complain about people that are driving me up the wall.

one thing i love about my mom is that she is so in love with my dad. she has made me excited to be a wife and to be a mother, because she loves it so much. colb and i both admire how my parents are so in love and we always say we want to be like them and stay head over heels in love for all of our life. i am so glad she decided to be a mother instead of any of the million other things she could have done with all of her talents and abilities.

happy birthday mom :)

(p.s. be impressed because this picture was actually not taken twenty years ago. this is what she looks like right now. hot mama!)

.5

2011-03-29T20:22:00.001-06:00

today is his half birthday. has it really been that long? his birthday was exactly two weeks before he left. is it really almost six months over?
six months ago today i was a mess-- i wanted his birthday to be so perfect, but my present for him wasn't ready yet. i was so frustrated i started crying. he laughed and hugged me and said "i have you here. it's the best birthday ever just because you are with me."

we have a habit of celebrating half birthdays; julia's, mine, thanksgiving's, his, fourth of july's.

to be 100% honest we usually missed the half and ended up celebrating 7/12 or something like that.

but today i remembered. so happy half birthday colb (someday we will go through my blog and you will read this. that's why i directed the happy half birthday to you. i love you. i miss you. i can't believe you're halfway done being 19. i'm not even halfway done being 18 yet. crazy life)

connecting

2011-03-28T21:10:00.002-06:00

more time meditating, less time facebooking
more time reading, less time watching tv
more time on being present, less time on mind stuff
more time connecting with the universe, less obsessing over self
breathing, bending
strengthening and purifying your body
awakening to a sense of your prana

this is yoga.

i feel more balanced, healthy, and strong.
it is amazing what being in the presence of a connected person can do.
my weekend with my guru was wonderful. she enlightens me and helps further open my mind to a heightened sense of consciousness.

namaste.

'09 & '10

2011-03-22T13:51:00.002-06:00

2009 and 2010 in pictures on my iPhoto. (not all taken by me obviously, just all the ones I had in there)

monday music

2011-03-21T13:50:00.000-06:00

2011-03-19T12:05:00.000-06:00

I've been style blog surfing. I love the following

this photographer: ann he. at sixteen years old and is already a published fashion photographer.

her style is interesting, relaxed. I like the unconventional poses and unstyled hair.

this magazine: papier mache
a video from their website: (p.s. I love yeasayer)

Papier Mache - XOXO from papier mache magazine on Vimeo.

it's child-oriented. I am a big fan of stylish children. my take on child style: there is a good balance to be found between clean cut and rag-a-muffin.

joey

2011-03-18T22:26:00.001-06:00

happy eighth birthday to my little brother. this little rock star makes me laugh. he's funny and sweet and creative and i'm super lucky to be his sister.

patti

2011-03-17T18:22:00.001-06:00

happy birthday to my wonderful sister-in-law patti!

she just bubbles over with kindness and love. she is absolutely perfect for my brother, and i'm glad they found each other. she came in to the family and made friends with everyone right away, and i can safely say we all fell in love with her.

(and i think her birthday right in between joey and jmma's just goes to prove that she was meant to be a part of the family).

em

2011-03-16T15:55:00.005-06:00

happy birthday dearest.

my little sister Emma is fifteen today. she's sweet and talented and absolutely gorgeous.

pre-yoga conversations

2011-03-12T11:13:00.005-07:00

your intuition is right, the guru said, trust it!
when you intuition tells you: this is wrong! this is not how things should be! it is right, your perspective is valid. there is sickness there, insecurities. when a person is insecure and has not found peace in their own life, and they are living vicariously through others, you can recognize that, see that sickness, and say in your mind: wow, that must be a hard thing to go through, lacking that peace and security in your own life and relationships.
but, the guru said, you are confident in your relationship-- don't let the sickness or insecurities of others affect you.
it is not your job to fix them, you cannot fix them. you can only be an example of someone who knows God, because God is peace. a messy life and insecurities, dependencies, are indications of a messy mind, a lack of peace.
we cannot fix the sickness in others. we can only recognize their sickness, and see past it, and love them. we need to take care of ourselves, have peace, and radiate love to others. that's really all we can do.

Thoughts

2011-03-10T22:43:00.001-07:00

One of my role models said this once: "We are not our thoughts, they are just thoughts, and we can dismiss them as quickly as we accept them as we recognize the energy behind them-- is it love, or is it a lie? I love the truth that we are divine-- when we are in harmony with God all things are possible."

It's something I'm working on. Many many thoughts go through my mind each day, some good, some not so good. It is extremely liberating to be able to recognize the separation between myself and my thoughts, and to be able to reject certain thoughts and accept others.
I am nowhere near perfect at this, I'd venture to say I'm nowhere near even good at it. But I'm trying. And when I succeed, it is the best feeling. I can recognize the spirit of the thought, be it love or hate, and when I do that and exercise my power over them, I am one step closer.

cubing

2011-03-06T21:05:00.002-07:00

Last year, Colb got into the habit of saying "ballin." Also last year, actually, 2009.. woo! It's been over a year and a half. Anyways, he taught me how to solve a rubik's cube. So we had races a lot. And I can't remember the context, but he would always say "ballin" and I would correct him and say "cubin." Which I know, is super lame, but so is saying "ballin." So that's my random tangent that came into my head while deciding what to title this post.

My cube was being sticky lately, so I took it all apart and cleaned it out. This is what rubik's cube pull apart surgery looks like. (And yes it is spelled rubik's not rubix).

And this is after the clean, just playing. My average is 33 right now. This is a good one. If you can't interpret the backwards numbers, it says 30.7. And that is seconds darlings. Nerd love.

So long February

2011-02-28T22:02:00.001-07:00

I loved doing this project for February.

I am so glad that I get to love this boy. And I really do, I love him. With all of my heart. I am so infinitely grateful that we found each other, and that he is mine, and I am his. I'm glad I got to sit down and name one specific thing each day that I love about him. I have a million more things to name, but we'll call 28 good.

I am in love. It is one of the best feelings in the world, one I hope everyone gets to experience to its fullest. I love him now, and I know I always will. My grandmother once said that she just kept falling in love with the same man, over and over. We're going to be like that. Still in love when we're 95, holding hands and inching down the street.

i love you colb.

Feb 28

2011-02-28T15:15:00.001-07:00

#28: I love that he loves me :)

Feb 27

2011-02-27T11:52:00.001-07:00

#27: I love that we are best friends.
Seriously, we were best friends for years before we started dating. And I'm glad that's what we're based off of. It's solid. It's real. It's the best thing.

Feb 26

2011-02-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

#26: I love that he is so respectful. He truly is a gentleman. He never says anything degrading about girls, never makes dirty jokes, never acts inappropriate. He compliments me and makes me feel beautiful and confident in a clean and uplifting way.

Feb 25

2011-02-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

#25: I love that he is so hardworking. When he sets his mind to something, he finishes it, and he does it well. He sets high goals and he works hard until he achieves them. Anything that he does, he makes sure it's a job he's proud of-- he does the details, and he puts in the effort to make it the best it can be.

Feb 24

2011-02-24T14:01:00.000-07:00

#24: I love how happy he makes me!
I just think of him, and I get the biggest silly smile on my face. The things he writes, the songs he tells me to listen to, the memories he left me with, the songs he recorded and sang for me, the knowledge that in two years we're getting hitched, just the thought that he's out there somewhere loving me, all of these things just make me so happy. In an enthusiastic, excited about life kind of way. It's a good thing.

Feb 23

2011-02-23T15:07:00.001-07:00

#23: I love what an inspiration he is to me.
My best poetry was written for him. He was even the original spark that got me going faster in school. He is the inspiration that still keeps me going. Things get difficult, then I think of him, and I am motivated. He believes in me, and I will not let him down.
My art, my music, and my writing have improved, because I had him, and a love so full I couldn't keep it inside. It forced its way out, it bubbled up and over and into everything that I do, setting everything aglow with a shining vitality.

2011-02-22T15:18:00.001-07:00

our Valentine pictures.

Feb 22

2011-02-22T13:25:00.000-07:00

#22: I love how he knows just what to say to make me feel better.

Feb 21

2011-02-21T13:19:00.002-07:00

#21: I love all that I have to look forward to with him.

I am so excited for our life. I'm excited to see him again, I'm excited to get married. I'm excited to move far away, I'm excited to start our life in a big city on the East Coast. I'm excited to play music with him again, to dance again, to watch all the Offices that he missed (he told me not to spoil anything that happens because we're going to have a marathon), to just live life by his side again. He's coming back, but not to stay, he's just coming back to me, to get me, then he'll leave again for good and take me with him. We're both excited. He tells me all the time how he can't wait for it to be just us. "You and me" he says, "just you and me. Our life is going to be great." And he's right. Just me and him. And it will be great.

A life with him is a life worth waiting for. So, I am.

The song today is Heartbreak World, by Matt Nathanson. It's perfect. Mostly the first verse.